Let's Talk About It? Graphic

For this week’s column, we were asked to provide advice to lesbians on how to have sex. With almost no pleasure-focused sex education existing in Tennessee, as well as almost no LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education, this is certainly a topic that needs addressing.

Obviously, for the practical purposes of this article, these tips also apply to sex between bi and other queer women. Additionally, it’s important to note up front that “sex between women” does not mean “sex between two people with vaginas,” so advice for lesbian, bi and queer trans women is also included.

Everyone Likes Something Different

This may seem like a no-brainer, but much of the way sex between women is thought of societally is informed by exploitative media portrayals and obviously inaccurate mainstream pornography.

As with all types of sex, communication is paramount in sex between women. From penetrative sex with a strap-on dildo or penis to mutual masturbation, what different women expect and desire from sex varies greatly. It’s always important to communicate desires and preferences with new sexual partners up front.

Anatomy Varies

As mentioned before, lesbian sex includes sex with trans women, and as such, it’s important not to make any assumptions about genitals. Anatomy varies even between cis women.

While pre-HRT trans women can have sex like most people with penises, stroking motions or penetrative sex can make some trans lesbians dysphoric. In these cases, consider stimulating the penis with a vibrator or similar toy, applying pressure rather than stroking or having anal sex via strap-on if penetrative sex is desired.

Post-HRT trans women’s penises are much more analogous to an enlarged version of the clitoris and can’t typically become erect like other penises. They can instead be stimulated via soft touch with the fingertips to the frenulum and head. In the case of trans women who have vaginas, they function the same as other vaginas. Anatomy varies between women who are not trans as well, as does response to various stimulation, so again, communication is paramount.

Don’t Believe Everything

Earlier I mentioned how much of our perceptions of sex between women is framed by inaccurate portrayals. Being a woman who has sex with women, it’s important to recognize the falsehoods of some of these portrayals in order to better your own sex life.

There’s a false notion that one partner has to be the “man” in lesbian sexual scenarios, but giving penetrative sex obviously doesn’t make you the “man.” Of course, strap-ons and other forms of penetrative sex are not mandatory in lesbian sex, though toys can enhance the experience for some. Sex drive also varies completely between individual women so that can’t be assumed either.

Have Fun and Stay Safe

This is the golden rule with all sex of course but it’s important to note that sex between women doesn’t have to be focused on orgasm as an end goal. Sex should be about having fun so exploring and experimenting as a lesbian is always going to be a good idea. Additionally, remember that STI’s remain a risk, as well as pregnancy during sex with some trans women, so stay protected via condoms, internal condoms, dental dams and other barrier and non-barrier methods.

Obviously, these are only a few short tips that women can use for sex with other women, but as the first tip mentioned, communication is always going to be the most important factor in establishing your partner’s desires, preferences and boundaries.

Do you have a question about sex, sexuality, or relationships? You can ask us to find you accurate and reliable information from experts by tweeting @SEATUTK, direct messaging @Sexweekut on Facebook or submitting a question to our anonymous Google form.

Columns and letters of The Daily Beacon are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Beacon or the Beacon's editorial staff.

UT Sponsored Content